a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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