sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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