please come you make the beer taste better
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize