just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
another moral hangover. fuck.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Pants are for mortals
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
