he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
