my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
