Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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