the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
