At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
