margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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