are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
