So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
