question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
