He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
we're so committed to being not committed
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
