Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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