420 ftw
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
