i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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