theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize