Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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