went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
