half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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