Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
