Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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