idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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