Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
