At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
