I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I am one with the molecules
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