Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
