Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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