last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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