Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
