the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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