i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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