She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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