I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
