So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
