don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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