so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
