I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
