I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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