dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
