Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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