I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
