so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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