that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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