So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
