He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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