She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
