there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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