mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Randomize
