I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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