1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Randomize
