So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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