my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
NoShamevember. You game?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
