please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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