He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
