ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
