He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
