The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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