I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize