Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize