Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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