Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
