i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize