I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
