just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
