When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
