i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
