i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
We smell like vodka and hangover
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