Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
