just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
