this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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