The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
