Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
