I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
